Who's oppressing who here?!
I'm just miserable right now. I'm tired of arguing. We argue about the same old thing over and over again and nobody is willing to give in. I want compassion, love, respect....did I say compassion? And all he sees is that his rights are being trampled on and I'm oppressing him. Can you believe it, I'm the one oppressing him?? Sometimes I wonder if he's an alien species with human-like features coz can he really be human and not feel bad for what he's doing to me? It's either that or he has some psychological issues that he needs to deal with. I feel like I'm about to hyperventilate every time I think of him. The pain of polygamy if rated against all other pains in the world must be ranked amongst the top three, honestly! It's unbearable......how do women do it and stay sane? Everything to him is conditional. "I'll show compassion if you fix your bad attitude."
The kids were making a fuss about him leaving to go to his other family. Do you know what he tells them....."just be patient, daddy's gonna build a big house and we'll all live in it together"! He's always made it look like I'm the bad guy coz I won't live together with his other wife and her kids! Patience is a virtue I know, but it takes so much emotional energy to not scream at him when he makes comments like those! Does he even realize that he chose to spend half the time he normally spends with the kids when he decided to marry this woman? I pray that things get better for me coz at the rate things are going right now, I might be the one suffering from a quick divorce.
8 comments:
It's amazing how men say it's their RIGHT to have another wife, but don't think of the rights of their current wife and children. A lot of times women put up with it because he says who else will have them, and he has pushed down their self esteem.
Stay strong, and do what is right for you and your children, not just what he wants. You deserve better treatment than this! I'm sorry about what you and your children are going through.
Hugs!
Anisah
Excuse me Seeker-
a.-Is Anisah your legal name? I know you were an American convert and have since left Islam, so I am wondering if you had legally changed your name to Anisah or if you were actually born with that name? Are your parents Muslim?
Thanks
~Brooke AKA Ummbadier
Brooke,
No my family is not Muslim. I legally changed my name a few years ago. I had used Anisah personally for years and preferred it to my American name (I hated growing up with a very common name). I grew up Seventh-day Adventist, but my family doesn't go to church anymore. My sister is atheist.
I currently go to a Unitarian congregation. They aren't really Christian, more of a humanitarian congregation/church.
Anisah
As salamu alaikum
My heart goes out to you..no one deserves this kind of treatment.
Do what you have to do for yourself and your children,the behaviour that your husband is displaying is not from islam,and you dont have to suffer in this kind of marriage.
I'll keep you in my dua's,sister.
Much love...
assalamu aleikum,
This may be the first time I come to your blog (didn't you have an old one?).
Anyways, sister, you have to kick this man to the curb and get a good divorce lawyer who will give you child support AND alimony.
It would be pretty easy to do.
I don't say that simply because he is polygynous, but the few things you wrote here about him sounds absolutely horrible! He is just sooooooo wrong.
I am so sorry you got such a sad excuse for a husband as an example of a Muslim man. Really, I'm sure you'd heard it before, but it is not Islam's fault that he is that way. He is a jerk in his own right.
Someone made a comment that you are not Muslim anymore. I can't help but think that your relationship had something to do with it. Please sister, no man is worth sacrificing your beliefs!
This dude sounds horrible.
Assalamu'alaikum all,
a. ~ I actually have your blog bookmarked, so it was a pleasant surprise to find you leaving me a comment. Yes, my self-esteem is low right now but that won't stop me from doing what I have to do to seek the happiness I deserve in this life. Of course nothing is guaranteed in life, I might leave him and get into a worse predicament than I ever was in but at least I know that I'm in control of my own life.
Sometimes, people need to go through crap to see the truth. So, although I wish this didn't happen to me, I'm glad that I was able to learn from my experiences. I've learnt so much not only about relationships with men in general but also about myself and my relationship with God. So, thank you for the heartfelt wishes.
PS. I left two comments for you at your blog but they never showed up? Was it something I said?
Zainab ~ According to him, everything he does is justified. People will use Islam to cover up all their faults in life. I try not to worry myself about what he does, because I won't be the one answering for him on the day of judgment. What I do worry about the most is when I start to believe his interpretation of Islam for truth. That is why we need to study it for ourselves. Albeit the fact that they hold a higher standing as the head of the household (if they are the breadwinner), women need to also realize that they are not God. We have a responsibility to educate ourselves. Much love to you too sister for taking the time out to leave me a comment!:)
Musulmana ~ Yes, you are right, I did have another one, although there were only two entries anyway! LOL! I wrote about the time my husband told me of the other woman, not the one he's married to now though. He's still talking to her via e-mail and web-cam and hopes to marry her soon too. He told me about their relationship whilst we were making love! How considerate of him. Oh, I will never forget that day.
Someone actually said that about me? Wow, maybe that's the reason I've been getting these bad vibes lately, like I'm being ostracized or something. If that's even possible to do online!LOL Pixelated vibes then!LOL! Hmmm...interesting. If only people knew what it takes to be a muslim, perhaps they wouldn't say such things without even verifying it first. Oh well, to each their own.
A spouse is supposed to be your ally, confidante and partner in faith. IMHO, marriage is just like a business contract. Everyone wants to see the business succeed, but when one of the stakeholders jeopardizes the success of the company what do you do? Either you resign or you fire the other person. So honey, you're....FIRED!! LOL!
Anonymous ~ Yes he is. But, I can't blame him for everything. After all, I agreed to marry him when everything and everyone was telling me "Don't do it!!" It's taken me 8 precious years to finally see the truth. The signs were all there, I just failed to see them for what they were.
I'm just looking forward to what my future holds!:)
Peace
Seekerofthetruth
You know you've got them when you have them questioning you. Keep it up. Not a bad site at all, I can totaly relate.
Peace,
Ella
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