Kim Wilde
Keep Me Hangin' On
Set me free why don't cha babe
Get out of my life why don't cha babe
'cause you don't really love me
You just keep me hangin'on
Set me free why don't cha babe
Get out of my life why don't cha babe
You don't really need me
But you keep me hangin'on
Why do you keep a comin' around
Playing with my heart
Why don't cha get out of my life
And let me make a brand new start
Let me get over you
The way you've gotten over me yeah
You say although we broke up
You still just wanna be friends
But how can we still be friends
When seeing you only breaks my heart again
Get out, get out of my life
And let me sleep at night
'Cos you don't really love me
You just keep me hangin'on
You say you still care for me
But your heart and soul needs to be free
And now that you've got your freedom
You wanna still hold on to me
You don't want me for yourself (you do in my case but want others too??)
So let me find somebody else
Why don't cha be a man about it and set me free
Now you don't care a thing about me
You're just using me - Hey, abusing me
Get out, get out of my life
And let me sleep at night
'Cos you don't really love me
You just keep me hangin'on
You don't really need me
You just keep me - hangin'on
Thursday, December 27, 2007
30 Days and counting.....Oh Allah, have mercy on me, soften his heart, if only for the purpose of setting me free!
In the name of God, the Almighty, the Most Merciful.
Praise be to God, the Lord of the worlds.
The Almighty, the Most Merciful.
Possessor of the Day of Judgment.
You alone we serve, and You alone we seek for help.
Guide us to the straight path.
The path of those whom You have blessed, not those who have incurred the wrath, nor the misguided. (Quran 1:1-7)
Praise be to God, the Lord of the worlds.
The Almighty, the Most Merciful.
Possessor of the Day of Judgment.
You alone we serve, and You alone we seek for help.
Guide us to the straight path.
The path of those whom You have blessed, not those who have incurred the wrath, nor the misguided. (Quran 1:1-7)
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Till death do us part...! B**ch!!
I've always loved the traditional catholic wedding vow "To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part." It just resonates, commitment, love, compassion, faith...everything that a man and a woman coming together as one would value within the bonds of matrimony. That's probably why I love watching wedding shows on tv so much; from the planning stage, to all the drama that goes on and finally to the part where they finally kiss and pronounce the I do's. Perhaps it's because what I see in them is the ideal of what a typical marriage should be. To me, this is what makes a marriage so sacred, a binding contract between two agreeing parties, as ordained by God.
Now going back to the vows, this is what a sunni muslim man probably might be thinking if such vows did exist in a muslim marriage ceremony.
"To have and to hold, ....for better, for worse in which case I can just get another wife if things don't work out between us, no need to divorce; for richer, for poorer, although if I do become rich then I'm more than likely to get another wife, coz I can; in sickness or in health, surely if you are sick and can't provide your wifely duties or you cannot provide me with a child, then it's pretty obvious that I'm going to get another wife, DUHHH! Heck, even if you're healthy I still might want another wife just for the sake of it, coz it's my right; to love and to cherish, but not the disney fairytale kind of love that you've been brainwashed with but the limited love I can provide you with between my 3 other wives......."till death do us part," coz I have the upperhand and thus you will stay married to me, whether you like it or not.
What is a marriage in Islam really worth if none of those things that make a marriage sacred, are being upheld? I guess it's all about having halal sex. What's so sacred about that then?? I don't get it. Surely a marriage is more than just halal sex. After all, I would be punished twice as much as an unmarried woman or a married MaMalakatAymanukum would if I had extramarital affairs (I think that's right?). At least a MaMalakatAymanukum would be obtaining her freedom by getting married to her caretaker. Anyway...just rambling here on what I've been thinking about lately.
Friday, December 14, 2007
The Fluffy Wumpkins kidnapped him!So he leaves without letting me know. I call him on my cell phone and asked him why on earth would he do that. He says he did, I just didn't hear him say his salams. I talk a little about how he's been ignoring me lately then, nothing, a glance at my phone shows "call ended". To a simple mind like mine that means someone ended the call. I'm under the belief that a dropped call doesn't display said message, just goes to your main screen. I called him back, it rang once and then went straight to voice mail. I call him again, it rings three times before going to voice mail. I didn't leave a message( I rarely do. the caller ID will tell him I called twice).
I'll give him the benefit of the doubt though, these are some interesting reasons for dropped calls I read online:
~ A tower went out, he moved out of range, or in to a lead-lined room.
~ Maybe he dropped his phone by accident and it broke.
~ Maybe he got hit by a gyrocopter.
~ Perhaps his batteries are flat and he can't find his recharger.
~ Maybe he's been kidnapped by the Fluffy Wumpkins and infected with myxomalaryngitus. LOL!!! I liked that one!
~ ...Or maybe he was paying attention to his cell phone while driving and drove off the road, flipping his car and he is now stuck in a creek, with water rushing by his head while his cell phone sits only three and a half feet away, but still out of reach.
I don't know if I have a husband or a live-in sometimes coz we hardly talk anymore. He might as well be kidnapped by a fluffy wumpkin coz it wouldn't make a difference in my life anyway. This is what goes on in our household when he spends the night here:
Comes home, watches basketball. Says "thank you" to me while I serve him his food. Goes to his office after the game is over.
Goes to bed much later than me, we rarely go to bed at the same time.
Wakes up in the morning to pray Fajr together. Doesn't even say good morning or it's time for Fajr, just a nudge.
After Fajr we talk a little, two minutes at the most before he proceeds to get up and goes to his office, "I've got work to do and I need to leave early"....ooh, I almost forgot how his voice sounds.
I'll knock oh his door to serve him his food, again "thank you" and shuts the door in my face.
When he does decide to say good bye; He'll say "Assalmu'alaikum" before he leaves.
So let's sum that up shall we:
"Thank you"
A two minute conversation, before the:
"I've got work to do and I need to leave early"
"thank you"
"Assalmu'alaikum"
Sigh....at least he was polite!:)
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Who's oppressing who here?!
I'm just miserable right now. I'm tired of arguing. We argue about the same old thing over and over again and nobody is willing to give in. I want compassion, love, respect....did I say compassion? And all he sees is that his rights are being trampled on and I'm oppressing him. Can you believe it, I'm the one oppressing him?? Sometimes I wonder if he's an alien species with human-like features coz can he really be human and not feel bad for what he's doing to me? It's either that or he has some psychological issues that he needs to deal with. I feel like I'm about to hyperventilate every time I think of him. The pain of polygamy if rated against all other pains in the world must be ranked amongst the top three, honestly! It's unbearable......how do women do it and stay sane? Everything to him is conditional. "I'll show compassion if you fix your bad attitude."
The kids were making a fuss about him leaving to go to his other family. Do you know what he tells them....."just be patient, daddy's gonna build a big house and we'll all live in it together"! He's always made it look like I'm the bad guy coz I won't live together with his other wife and her kids! Patience is a virtue I know, but it takes so much emotional energy to not scream at him when he makes comments like those! Does he even realize that he chose to spend half the time he normally spends with the kids when he decided to marry this woman? I pray that things get better for me coz at the rate things are going right now, I might be the one suffering from a quick divorce.
I'm just miserable right now. I'm tired of arguing. We argue about the same old thing over and over again and nobody is willing to give in. I want compassion, love, respect....did I say compassion? And all he sees is that his rights are being trampled on and I'm oppressing him. Can you believe it, I'm the one oppressing him?? Sometimes I wonder if he's an alien species with human-like features coz can he really be human and not feel bad for what he's doing to me? It's either that or he has some psychological issues that he needs to deal with. I feel like I'm about to hyperventilate every time I think of him. The pain of polygamy if rated against all other pains in the world must be ranked amongst the top three, honestly! It's unbearable......how do women do it and stay sane? Everything to him is conditional. "I'll show compassion if you fix your bad attitude."
The kids were making a fuss about him leaving to go to his other family. Do you know what he tells them....."just be patient, daddy's gonna build a big house and we'll all live in it together"! He's always made it look like I'm the bad guy coz I won't live together with his other wife and her kids! Patience is a virtue I know, but it takes so much emotional energy to not scream at him when he makes comments like those! Does he even realize that he chose to spend half the time he normally spends with the kids when he decided to marry this woman? I pray that things get better for me coz at the rate things are going right now, I might be the one suffering from a quick divorce.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
OK, here are several translations of verse (33:50) that I have pulled from http://yaqb.org/ (Great website for studying the Quran, by the way). This is only one verse of many that makes clear the purpose of polygyny, who should practice it and why. Insya'Allah I will try to post these verses in the next few days or so.
Literal You, you the prophet, that We, We permitted/allowed for you your wives/spouses those who you gave their rewards (dowries), and what your right (hand) owned/possessed from what God bestowed upon you, and your paternal uncles' daughters, and your paternal aunts' daughters, and your maternal uncles' daughters, and your maternal aunts' daughters, who (F) emigrated with you, and a believing woman if she presented herself to the prophet, if the prophet wanted that He marries her, clearly/purely for you from other than the believers, We had known what We had commanded/imposed/stipulated on them in their wives and what their right (hands) owned/possessed, so that strain/blame/sin not be on you, and God was/is forgiving, merciful.
Free-Minds O prophet, We have made lawful for you the wives to whom you have already given their dowry, and the one who is committed to you by oath, as granted to you by God, and the daughters of your father's brothers, and the daughters of your father's sisters, and the daughters of your mother's brothers, and the daughters of your mother's sisters, of whom they have emigrated with you. Also, the believing woman who had decreed herself to the prophet, the prophet may marry her if he wishes, as a privilege given only to you and not to the believers. We have already decreed their rights in regard to their spouses and those who are still dependant. This is to spare you any hardship. God is Forgiver, Merciful.
Yusuf Ali O Prophet! We have made lawful to thee thy wives to whom thou hast paid their dowers; and those whom thy right hand possesses out of the prisoners of war whom Allah has assigned to thee; and daughters of thy paternal uncles and aunts, and daughters of thy maternal uncles and aunts, who migrated (from Makka) with thee; and any believing woman who dedicates her soul to the Prophet if the Prophet wishes to wed her;- this only for thee, and not for the Believers (at large); We know what We have appointed for them as to their wives and the captives whom their right hands possess;- in order that there should be no difficulty for thee. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
Shakir O Prophet! surely We have made lawful to you your wives whom you have given their dowries, and those whom your right hand possesses out of those whom Allah has given to you as prisoners of war, and the daughters of your paternal uncles and the daughters of your paternal aunts, and the daughters of your maternal uncles and the daughters of your maternal aunts who fled with you; and a believing woman if she gave herself to the Prophet, if the Prophet desired to marry her-- specially for you, not for the (rest of) believers; We know what We have ordained for them concerning their wives and those whom their right hands possess in order that no blame may attach to you; and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.
Pickthal O Prophet! Lo! We have made lawful unto thee thy wives unto whom thou hast paid their dowries, and those whom thy right hand possesseth of those whom Allah hath given thee as spoils of war, and the daughters of thine uncle on the father's side and the daughters of thine aunts on the father's side, and the daughters of thine uncle on the mother's side and the daughters of thine aunts on the mother's side who emigrated with thee, and a believing woman if she give herself unto the Prophet and the Prophet desire to ask her in marriage - a privilege for thee only, not for the (rest of) believers - We are Aware of that which We enjoined upon them concerning their wives and those whom their right hands possess - that thou mayst be free from blame, for Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
Arberry O Prophet, We have made lawful for thee thy wives whom thou hast given their wages and what thy right hand owns, spoils of war that God has given thee, and the daughters of thy uncles paternal and aunts paternal, thy uncles maternal and aunts maternal, who have emigrated with thee, and any woman believer, if she give herself to the Prophet and if the Prophet desire to take her in marriage, for thee exclusively, apart from the believers -- We know what We have imposed upon them touching their wives and what their right hands own -- that there may be no fault in thee; God is All-forgiving, All-compassionate.
George Sale O prophet, We have allowed thee thy wives unto whom thou hast given their dower, and also the slaves which thy right hand possesseth, of the booty which God hath granted thee; and the daughters of thy uncle, and the daughters of thy aunts, both on thy father's side, and on thy mother's side, who have fled with thee from Mecca, and any other believing woman, if she give herself unto the prophet; in case the prophet desireth to take her to wife. This is a peculiar privilege granted unto thee, above the rest of the true believers. We know what we have ordained them concerning their wives, and the slaves whom their right hands possess: Lest it should be deemed a crime in thee to make use of the privilege granted thee; for God is gracious and merciful.
It seems pretty clear to me what Allah has permitted for the Prophet and not the male population as a whole. Perhaps I'm reading this verse all wrong, if so then someone please point it out for me. But what I understand from this verse is that only the Prophet has been given the privilege to marry any believing woman who approaches him. Does this mean a man can marry any believing woman, as long as he approaches them? No, Allah mentions in this verse (33:50) what has already been appointed for the rest of the believers. And that I believe relates back to verse (4:3).
Literal You, you the prophet, that We, We permitted/allowed for you your wives/spouses those who you gave their rewards (dowries), and what your right (hand) owned/possessed from what God bestowed upon you, and your paternal uncles' daughters, and your paternal aunts' daughters, and your maternal uncles' daughters, and your maternal aunts' daughters, who (F) emigrated with you, and a believing woman if she presented herself to the prophet, if the prophet wanted that He marries her, clearly/purely for you from other than the believers, We had known what We had commanded/imposed/stipulated on them in their wives and what their right (hands) owned/possessed, so that strain/blame/sin not be on you, and God was/is forgiving, merciful.
Free-Minds O prophet, We have made lawful for you the wives to whom you have already given their dowry, and the one who is committed to you by oath, as granted to you by God, and the daughters of your father's brothers, and the daughters of your father's sisters, and the daughters of your mother's brothers, and the daughters of your mother's sisters, of whom they have emigrated with you. Also, the believing woman who had decreed herself to the prophet, the prophet may marry her if he wishes, as a privilege given only to you and not to the believers. We have already decreed their rights in regard to their spouses and those who are still dependant. This is to spare you any hardship. God is Forgiver, Merciful.
Yusuf Ali O Prophet! We have made lawful to thee thy wives to whom thou hast paid their dowers; and those whom thy right hand possesses out of the prisoners of war whom Allah has assigned to thee; and daughters of thy paternal uncles and aunts, and daughters of thy maternal uncles and aunts, who migrated (from Makka) with thee; and any believing woman who dedicates her soul to the Prophet if the Prophet wishes to wed her;- this only for thee, and not for the Believers (at large); We know what We have appointed for them as to their wives and the captives whom their right hands possess;- in order that there should be no difficulty for thee. And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
Shakir O Prophet! surely We have made lawful to you your wives whom you have given their dowries, and those whom your right hand possesses out of those whom Allah has given to you as prisoners of war, and the daughters of your paternal uncles and the daughters of your paternal aunts, and the daughters of your maternal uncles and the daughters of your maternal aunts who fled with you; and a believing woman if she gave herself to the Prophet, if the Prophet desired to marry her-- specially for you, not for the (rest of) believers; We know what We have ordained for them concerning their wives and those whom their right hands possess in order that no blame may attach to you; and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.
Pickthal O Prophet! Lo! We have made lawful unto thee thy wives unto whom thou hast paid their dowries, and those whom thy right hand possesseth of those whom Allah hath given thee as spoils of war, and the daughters of thine uncle on the father's side and the daughters of thine aunts on the father's side, and the daughters of thine uncle on the mother's side and the daughters of thine aunts on the mother's side who emigrated with thee, and a believing woman if she give herself unto the Prophet and the Prophet desire to ask her in marriage - a privilege for thee only, not for the (rest of) believers - We are Aware of that which We enjoined upon them concerning their wives and those whom their right hands possess - that thou mayst be free from blame, for Allah is ever Forgiving, Merciful.
Arberry O Prophet, We have made lawful for thee thy wives whom thou hast given their wages and what thy right hand owns, spoils of war that God has given thee, and the daughters of thy uncles paternal and aunts paternal, thy uncles maternal and aunts maternal, who have emigrated with thee, and any woman believer, if she give herself to the Prophet and if the Prophet desire to take her in marriage, for thee exclusively, apart from the believers -- We know what We have imposed upon them touching their wives and what their right hands own -- that there may be no fault in thee; God is All-forgiving, All-compassionate.
George Sale O prophet, We have allowed thee thy wives unto whom thou hast given their dower, and also the slaves which thy right hand possesseth, of the booty which God hath granted thee; and the daughters of thy uncle, and the daughters of thy aunts, both on thy father's side, and on thy mother's side, who have fled with thee from Mecca, and any other believing woman, if she give herself unto the prophet; in case the prophet desireth to take her to wife. This is a peculiar privilege granted unto thee, above the rest of the true believers. We know what we have ordained them concerning their wives, and the slaves whom their right hands possess: Lest it should be deemed a crime in thee to make use of the privilege granted thee; for God is gracious and merciful.
It seems pretty clear to me what Allah has permitted for the Prophet and not the male population as a whole. Perhaps I'm reading this verse all wrong, if so then someone please point it out for me. But what I understand from this verse is that only the Prophet has been given the privilege to marry any believing woman who approaches him. Does this mean a man can marry any believing woman, as long as he approaches them? No, Allah mentions in this verse (33:50) what has already been appointed for the rest of the believers. And that I believe relates back to verse (4:3).
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Silence....
We haven't spoken since the Monistat 3 incident. Says a lot about the status of our marriage and the way he really feels about me right now. Usually, if we can't come to an agreement about something, we eventually talk it out after Fajr prayers and all is well after that. I guess, if he's happy over "there" why bother with the one with all the drama, right? I tried to talk to him and explain to him my insecurities and need to be consoled, only to be told to leave the room. He proceeds to the door, opens it and gestures me to leave. Sits back in his chair and puts his headphones on. How inconsiderate of him! This is not the first time he's told me to leave his room. Once he yanked me out of the chair I was sitting in, while I was nursing my baby daughter!
So who am I kidding here, he's not going to change, in fact, I think it's only going to get uglier.
We haven't spoken since the Monistat 3 incident. Says a lot about the status of our marriage and the way he really feels about me right now. Usually, if we can't come to an agreement about something, we eventually talk it out after Fajr prayers and all is well after that. I guess, if he's happy over "there" why bother with the one with all the drama, right? I tried to talk to him and explain to him my insecurities and need to be consoled, only to be told to leave the room. He proceeds to the door, opens it and gestures me to leave. Sits back in his chair and puts his headphones on. How inconsiderate of him! This is not the first time he's told me to leave his room. Once he yanked me out of the chair I was sitting in, while I was nursing my baby daughter!
So who am I kidding here, he's not going to change, in fact, I think it's only going to get uglier.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
This lifestyle sucks!! Polygyny sucks!! I tried doing a search on those two words in hopes of finding some kind of comfort. Not a whole lot out there for first wives going through this insane way of life. Where do I find comfort? Is it by remembering Allah? I find that when I focus on Allah, my hurt is intensified because I'm focused on the problem even more. Don't get me wrong, I do have faith that only Allah can bring me out of this oppressive state that I'm, but comforter? Am I praying all wrong? Perhaps what I'm looking for is some temporary comfort. Yes, that must be it. Believe it or not Ebay has been a great friend of mine during the first few weeks of finding out that my husband married another woman behind my back. Thanks Ebay!
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